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Tag Archives: Conflict
Dysfunctional Competition and Conflict
Both competition and conflict are semantically multidimensional. To some being competitive means you win at all costs. It’s a zero-sum game and winning is the only alternative. Areas such as contract negotiations between big business and labor, elongated divorces, and cooking the books are dysfunctional competition.
Sporting events, market share, and fundraising are competitive and require cooperation by the opponent for growth and success. There are Rules of Engagement that both sides respect and adhere to. This is healthy competition.
Posted in Awareness, Business and Sales, Communication
Tagged competition, Conflict, Contention
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What Is Conflict?
Multiple research studies show how positive conflict, for example, a devil’s advocate placed into the group as a confederate to stir up more discussion, is painful to those in the group. When given the opportunity, the confederate is voted out of the group in 100 percent of the studies even though the presence of the contrarian point of view improves productivity, growth, and creativity.
Further research uncovered the word contention as a cousin to conflict. The original Hebrew word for contention is to brawl, debate, and contend. It is an adversarial relationship. Contention is to make it personal.
Dysfunctional Behavior in the Office
Have you ever had a co-worker backbite you at work? How does it feel when someone undermines you with the boss or with others in your department? What kind of a person engages in power politics at work? By definition this is called conflict, which is a dysfunctional outcome resulting from poor communication.
Traditionalists in Organizational Psychology take the approach of avoidance behavior as a way to resolve such deviant behavior. It is also how most people handle conflict, whether at work or at home.
Posted in Awareness, Business and Sales, Communication
Tagged backbiting at the office, Conflict, trust in the office
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You Kicked Your Greatest Asset Off The Island
In 1964, Kenneth Boulding conducted a study on conflict, bringing together managers from across multiple industries. He formed them into teams and told them that their problem-solving techniques would be analyzed.
What Boulding did not tell these managers, however, was that a “devil’s advocate” or critic would be planted in half of the teams. The critic’s role was to challenge the team’s solutions, and push them to consider additional ideas throughout their problem-solving process.
Have you ever encountered a devil’s advocate? How did you handle him? Cruising life on the path of least resistance is putting off the inevitable. Remember the Minute Lube commercials encouraging us to change our oil every 3,000 miles? You can pay me now or pay me later.
Conflict vs. Contention
What Is The Difference Between Conflict And Contention
The very comparison of these words creates both conflict and contention. In many heart breaking coaching discussions, I’ve learned that having a clear understanding of these two contrasting words can bring peace of mind and warmth of heart to a relationship. But only when properly and harmoniously understood.
Conflict:
Conflict is sharing the same end result but seeing a different path. Conflict is necessary for progress. Conflict is healthy and sought for and it is to be resolved. Thus the very existence of conflict is a call for resolution and growth. Without conflict, we cannot grow, progress, eradicate mediocrity, and experience joy.
Posted in Communication
Tagged Chick Hut, Collusion, Communication, Conflict, Contention, Man Cave
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BOD Family
Think back over the last few financial discussions you had in your home. When did they occur? Where did they occur? Who was present? What was going on? The same questions apply to any sensitive topic in your home: children, intimacy, in-laws, or religion.
For most of us, we usually discuss such topics during a commercial on TV or between rounds with the children. We don’t put a lot of thought or effort into scheduling time to discuss matters of importance like our mortgage, our retirement, and most importantly our family relations. When was the last time you scheduled time just to spend with your spouse?
Posted in Communication, Family
Tagged Avoid fighting, Board Of Directors, BOD, Conflict, Effective Communication, Family, Parenting, Systems
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The Jockey and the Elephant
As humans we have two driving forces, they are:
- Mind
- Heart
Let’s liken the mind to a jockey and the heart to an elephant. As long as the elephant wants to go where the jockey wants to go, there is harmony within the human. However, when the elephant becomes rogue, looses control, gets sidetracked, or flies off the handle, the jockey must go along for the ride.
According to Forrest Gump, life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what’s going to happen next. However, if the elephant is trained and obeys the jockey, all the chocolates are the square caramel ones.
Posted in Communication, Family
Tagged Arguing, Avoid fighting, Communication, Conflict, Effective Communication, Emotions, Mind vs. Heart
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Parent’s Pain Priority Plan
Parenting is a shuffling act when things go well, but when life backs up like bad plumbing, even chaos is a welcomed friend. What each parent needs is a Parenting plan that prioritizes what will inevitably come – pain. Pain me now or pain me later. The one certain aspect of parenting is that you will have pain.
It’s 25 minutes past bed time and your 8 year-old-crumb-crunchin’ piece of energy gets out of bed and taps you on the shoulder as you finally settle down to watch your favorite TV program.
Decision time: pain avoidance or pain priority.
The Art of Giving and Receiving Criticism
Years ago I sat through an exciting series of classes by Dr. John Lund, an expert on family relationships and effective communication. Here is an excerpt from my notes. You can also find more information in his book “How To Hug A Porcupine”
THE ART OF GIVING CRITICISM
Dr. J. Lund’s Quick Check Guide
STEP ONE:
Before you speak ask yourself two questions:
- Is the Criticism a part of my stewardship or my business?
- Is the Criticism not only true, but is it necessary?
STEP TWO:
Posted in Communication, Family
Tagged Arguing, Avoid criticism, Avoid fighting, Communication, Conflict, Criticism, Effective Communication
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Pain Avoidance vs. Pain Priority
Pain Avoidance vs. Pain Priority
There is a certain zone for athletes called the sweet spot, that when achieved is almost impossible to describe. Any athlete who has ever hit the sweet spot craves its return. The entry price is however, very high.
The hours of training required to achieve the sweet spot means that pain must be a priority. Pain is a constant in life. We will suffer some degree of pain regardless of efforts to the contrary. Our choice is the kind of pain we wish to endure.
Posted in Communication
Tagged Conflict, Delayed Gratification, Delayed Pain, Pain, Pain avoidance
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